truth / with each thrust

what is the truth
what is the purity of a person
is it a blank stare
is it a feeling of touch
is it a kind word said
is it a rose unfurled
always known what i was
and i know i lie
but since i’ve always known i’ve lied
can that not be known as the truth
and i hate liars!
and in a sense do i not hate myself
so may layers peeled back
a diamond cut semi precious stone
blood sweat and tears
is not my whole existence
cut me open
do i not have what everyone else has
and all i asked of you
was to look me in the eyes
and tell me the truth

from the bottom of your boots
to the top of your head
wine-sipping, name changing, art stealing liar
a crystal fell and broke
it was an image of you

never change you said
i bounced back like a rubber band
that’s you
sitting there, smoke filling the air
blue eyes watching
a fluff guy
totally unreal
do i understand you?
yeah, i understand you
you robbed me of my purity

all along, the men i have fucked
the men i have lead on
and with each thrust i lost myself
and i thought that was my purity
and i no longer saw myself pure
i only saw myself as gone

and i cried with each thrust
and i moaned the loss of the little pigtailed girl wearing a plaid jumper
i saw her reaching for me
with each thrust

silent tears fill my eyes
and sometimes i can feel the tips of her fingers
and sometimes she seems so far away

with each thrust

am i so blind to not see this happening
with each thrust

the truth
carrying over from dreams
pigtails flying
with each thrust
scares buried so deep
with each thrust

and today i saw her standing there
waving at me from a distance
and i started to run
and i caught her
she and i held onto each other
my hands stroking her back
and i finally found my soul mate
for you see
she is me